Jeff91199's Xanga

You're Fired!

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:51:29 GMT

Couple of quick updates. I usually don't talk about my job hunt here (after a couple years of hearing "How's the job search?" from all corners, it would get old for you too), but what the hell? Gotta bend the rules sometimes to keep life interesting.

1. After floating directionlessly for too long to rehash, I've finally found a career focus - human resources. Methinks it would be a great field to get into - working with people all day, being a part of a company's inner workings, good career growth, etc.
2. I met a few people at a volunteer night at the church I'm attending now.* One of them, after maybe ten minutes of conversation, told me that she thought I would be really good at firing people because I'm really nice and compassionate. I laughed, caught my breath, laughed again, and thought that she had a good point. I'm going to talk to someone at a non-profit tomorrow (Weds.) morning about volunteering a couple days a week in HR, but I'm probably not going to tell her what my new acquaintance said. Well, sort of. Yes to the "nice, compassionate" part; no to the "good at firing people" part. Even though it was really funny.

*Things at church are going pretty well so far; I'm getting plugged into a couple of missional communities and getting to know people a bit. So far, I love that this church puts a priority on loving people and building them up; and I really love that people can talk with each other and be genuine and not start the conversation with "So, what do you do?" I'd even like to begin tithing sometime soon (praise God that His grace also covers unpaid tithes), BUT my one condition is that it needs to be my spiritual home first. Not just that place with the steeple where I go every Sunday at 7, but that place where I know and love people, and am known and loved as well.
Swear to Allah, if there's ever a Redeemer party where no one was allowed to talk about work (or job hunting), you'd have a hundred people quietly drinking martinis and picking their hangnails.
On the other hand, I'm still loving New York, still getting involved in things, still keeping incredibly busy, and enjoying every minute of it.

Well, I'm working a showtonight, so I should get a coffee refill and hit the rails. Stay classy, Xanga.

Christian Community and the Five Wills

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:25:08 GMT

I have a hard time with Christian community, a love-hate relationship with it, you might say. It may please the heart of Christ to see brothers and sisters fellowshipping harmoniously, but it rends mine with anxiety. Thoughts that there won't be room at the inn for me, that I somehow won't measure up, that I might be quietly tolerated but never included, memories of when just that has happened; such things like that.
I'm not sure why I paused Flash Forward long enough to write this, but I got the urge to get it out - and followed it. But don't be mistaken; this isn't being written while ridden with anxiety, it's more hopeful than it sounds.
I've returned from Vermont (whenever I hear of New York's irreligiousness, I think back to my seven months in Burlington, and take it with a grain of salt), left Redeemer for good (not having a flashy job, relative affluence, and extensive knowledge of CS Lewis put one hell of a damper on my social life), started going to a new church, and have begun volunteering.
So far so good with the new church; relationships seem to run deeper, and there's more of a priority on people sharing their lives with each other and actually practicing what we preach. But I still wonder, somewhere in the basement of my thinking, whether or not this applies to me as well, or if I'll be run off on a rail once I start to take some hesitant steps forward. Who knows? God willing, it will apply to me as well.
And yes, I'm pursuing volunteer activities. After an interesting interview at an East Village theater yesterday, I brainstormed a few criteria for finding the best-suited kinds of things, as I like to call them, the Five Wills:
1. Will this give me a chance to practice my existing skills and acquire new ones?
2. Will this introduce me to new and interesting things?
3. Will I work with my peers? (people around my age - it's no fun being the youngest one there)
4. Will I meet new people, and build relationships as I go?
5. Will this look good on my resume?

That's what I'm up to these days. Back to Flash Forward.

You Can't Go Back to College

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 03:08:18 GMT

"All I have to do to blend in is to not wear a suit!" I retorted as I got out of Rebecca's car behind the Kehoe Administration Building. It was my first time back on the Plattsburgh State campus, where the best years of my life had taken place, since 2007, and I was going to take full advantage.

I walked from end to end of campus, past the dorms, the student center, the academic buildings, and retraced my old steps; from the dining hall to my dorm, from my dorm to the student center, etc.

All the buildings looked the same as they had when I graduated in 2004 (except for a rambling old Catholic church that was recently replaced by a ginormous privately-run dorm - no loss; the building was only used for Tuesday evening bingo), with a few minor alterations - the campus bookstore had a new entrance, and part of the Angell Center had construction going on. Banks Hall, where I spent five years of substance-free nights, was still where it was before, as was Champlain Valley Hall, where I had just as many years of not-that-useful English classes.

The bittersweet thing, though, was that the people who'd made my college experience better than I could've hoped for were long gone. They've scattered to places like Buffalo, Saratoga Springs, Clifton Park, Burlington, and others, and the campus wasn't the same without them.

New people are there now, praising God, sweating through ten-page papers, going back for seconds at the dining hall, and standing in line at the financial aid office.

College is a hell of a time; you step out from underneath your parents' wings for the first time, experience things and meet people you never would've expected to, and if all goes well, you end up with a degree, years of student loans to pay back, and a Facebook full of lifetime friends. But eventually, the ride's over and you and your friends must move on.

Enjoy it while you can, because when it's over, it's over.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 04:00:14 GMT

"Thank God it's over," I said after exiting the late-model Chevrolet, just a couple blocks from downtown Burlington. It was an atypical summer day; the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the hippies were stinking - and I'd just survived a very typical ordeal at church. Forty minutes of aimless waiting around after the end of church, to be exact.

Church in Vermont, at least for this carless evangelical, is a unique, fail-fail proposition.

Option A involves warming a pew with an un-likeminded crowd that doesn't necessarily take the Bible as gospel truth, but can't bear to sleep in on Sunday mornings.

To choose Option B is to spend a chunk of Saturday afternoon and evening calling between one and six phone numbers on a list, in hopes of getting an answer at the moment - and a ride on Sunday morning... and then to spend many agonizing, hour-sized minutes after the end of the service, waiting for a ride back to civilization (the introvert in me simply won't hear of jumping into hundreds (or tens) of random conversation clusters, so don't even go there).

So where have I been all summer?

Watching YouTube videos (there's just something about a girl with a guitar that makes me smile every time), slogging through my computer classes, planning my Great Escape from Vermont, and studying for my exams.

Oh, and researching ways to deepen my voice. Without getting into the gruesome details, it ain't a voice I'm proud of. There are breathing exercises, chemical methods, and there's even a guy who's got the non-drug market cornered. I can't tell if he's an honest salesman or an honest charlatan, but the guy's everywhere!

I was in Montreal for a weekend (as per my last entry); I was here, studying for some computer exams and wriggling my way out of others, and God willing, as of September 26th, I will no longer be here in Burlington.

I've bought an Amtrak ticket, packed up half my stuff and shipped it out, and I'm winding down my B-town affairs - just as the college students returned and woke this town up again!

Starting Sunday the 27th, I'm gonna have a lot of churchin' to catch up on; and I'll be using this:

The Price Was Right, But My Neighbors Kept Me Up All Night!

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:24:30 GMT

Aaand this little entry was originally tapped out at 7:30 Sunday night while waiting for a Montreal city bus. Huzzah, my phone can do more than take pictures and access the internet!

Jeez, I'm forgetful these days. I tapped this one out over a month ago and forgot to post it. Argh. Better late than never, naw'm sayin'?

"I'm sitting in class and all I hear is 'bloop-bloop-bloop' from you chatting on Instant Messenger all night," my freshman roommate, The Jock, told me one afternoon, back in Ye Olde College Days.

Nevermind that his dragging and nagging me to drink ensured that I'd be a teetotaler until the age of 23.

"Jeff, you gotta chill out with that computer," my sophomore year roommate, The DJ, told me one evening the following year. "I'm falling asleep in class." I tried with every bone in my body not to laugh, but an involuntary guffaw flew out all the same.

Nevermind that he'd sometimes wake from a dead sleep to take a swig of the Mountain Dew under his bed.

I don't believe in karma, but I do believe that I've paid for that in full. At the rock-bottom price of $20 CDN for the night. At a hostel (which shall not be named) in Montreal on Saturday night, oh I paid.

Because I had no laptop or nightlife connections, 3am Sunday morning found me tossing and turning on a bed in an open hallway while an upstanding gentleman with a private room brushed his teeth and kept the water running in the nearby kitchen sink. After his buddy did the same. While they lingered in the room, with the light blaring and the door wide open. Before a couple in another private room took a long, lingerous - and talkative - shower, BEFORE leaving the bathroom door wide open with the lights blazing.

Honestly, I'm a live-and-let-live guy, and I wouldn't've cared if they were making their 5-year plans and sauteeing a steak in there (though I might've asked for some). Just, for the love of Teedy Ruxpin, TURN OFF THE LIGHT WHEN YOU'RE DONE!!!

After that, I gave up trying to sleep, and retreated to the computer (praise the Lord for the internet!) in the main room. The computer and I got along fine, notwithstanding the lack of light (there were people sleeping nearby here, too), and the strange Francophone keyboard. Not too many differences, but there was a é where the comma should've been. Other than that, it was all good.

I did eventually get to sleep, and ended up napping on buses and Metro cars all over Montreal that afternoon.

So, old roomies, if you're reading this, rest assured that I have learned my lesson. Next time, I'll pay the extra three bucks to stay at a hostel with doors.

Bright Lights and Small Towns

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 20:43:09 GMT

Originally written at 1:30 Sunday morning on Ste. Catherine Street in Montreal. Hey, I had time to kill!

The rain began 10 seconds before I stepped out the door. But I was determined to get downtown to Starbucks and do some writing (I'm literally incapable of writing a word at home when it comes to fiction), as I haven't let pen touch paper in over a week. An amount of rain that would've convinced Noah to dust off his ark-building manual fell from the skies as I hurried to the bus shelter, over a block away.

"I hate this ***damn town!" I exclaimed a few minutes later when I saw the bus roaring by on a parallel street - off its regular route.

I won't tell you what I said when I got home, drenched to the marrow; but let's just say that it's a really good thing Rebecca and I have the kind of friendship where one can see the other totally freaking lose it, and still cut 'em some slack.

I don't really hate Burlington, but I'm definitely not as head-over-heels as I was/may have been last winter. Did I tell you that I spent last week down in the city, catching up with old friends and revisiting old haunts; and never had to wonder how I'd be getting to church on Sunday morning, or how I'd get home from this event or that person's house? No? Surely, I must've mentioned how the sidewalks don't roll up at 10 or 11 - unless you're out to get loaded with your bros. No? Dag, I really am getting derelict in my blogging.

I did mention a month or two ago that I've been thinking about whether or not to go back to New York. Not that things are really going downhill here in Vermont - they're not - but Burlington does pale in comparison to other places with better long-term employment opportunities, transportation, church choices, and the like.

To be honest, there are quite a few people in Burlington who really like having me around, and who I've gotten to know a little. And I've come to really like not being stressed out all the time and getting headaches because of caffiene withdrawal or dirty air; and having more than 5 square inches of elbow room. And I've ome to really like having good friends around, and being an uncle (albeit the "fun" uncle who isn't obeyed when he's drafted to babysit. TEH FAIL!).

But the simple, small town life isn't for me. I like bright lights and noise and big city action. I like having more events and goings-on than I could possibly do in one weekend. I like diverse political viewpoints and abundant churches and the kind of public transportation that makes car ownership a pointless endeavor. I like Saturdays that're just gearing up at 8pm instead of winding down. And I like temp jobs that pay me more, rather than less than, I would've gotten that week from unemployment, and don't turn me into a phone-dreading misanthrope.

So, there's one thing to do: I'm going back to New York!

Update:

I heard back from the CCTA this afternoon. Apparently, a firetruck had been blocking the street, and they hadn't had time to put up detour signs. *shrug*

Between The Lines

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:23:21 GMT

Ripped from the RSVP page of the Burlington Writer's Meetup:

I would have liked not to impose a "rule" for the group to keep this more casual, but after a member came in last week, nearly 1/2 an hour late and expecting feedback on work, then admitting he had not only NOT read the 2nd part of another member's story, but that he hadn't even bothered reading the first part, I felt compelled to remove the member, simply because I find that kind of mentality rude.

Thank you. See you Monday.

Pretty scathing stuff, huh? Let's see what Ryan, the author of this missive, was really trying to say:

I would have liked not to impose a "rule" for the group to keep this more casual

I thought we could be relaxed and laid back, but now I'm gonna have to get all control freak on y'all.

but after a member came in last week, nearly 1/2 an hour late

he emailed me ahead of time to let me know he'd be late, but this kind of behavior can NOT be tolerated, so I felt compelled to make an example of him.

and expecting feedback on work

he didn't actually say this, but I have to make these charges stick, so it's okay.

then admitting

after I grilled him in front of everyone and made him squirm a little

he had not only NOT read the 2nd part of another member's story, but that he hadn't even bothered reading the first part

having other obligations is no excuse not to read something in depth and recall every detail of it

I felt compelled to remove the member, simply because I find that kind of mentality rude.

he really, really hurt my widdle feelings, so he's gone now. How dare this insensitive Philistine have an unusually hectic month - excuses, excuses!

Thank you. See you Monday.

You don't want to see me angry!

My last graded English class was back in the days of "A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush!," so my in-depth analysis skills might be a little rusty, but I think this'll pass muster. I'm not sure which is sadder; that I'd wanted to see a writer's group here in Burlington (and had considered starting one a few months ago), only to get kicked out for a relatively minor infraction; or that out of the 39 people here in Burlington who want a Meetup for writers, only 2 or 3 seem to be interested in coming out to this one.

Not to dwell excessively on it, but it got me thinking. Writer's groups can be good because, done well, they pull the writer out of his or her solitary bunker, face-to-face with fellow scribes. As a writer, it's good to be around other people sometimes who don't go "huh?" or "that's nice" when you tell them about the story you're writing. And feedback is good, vital sometimes, even. The only trouble is that the only three certainties in life are death, taxes, and stuff happening.

If you're in charge of a group of people, sometimes you have to allow for that, for stuff happening, for plans to change, for others to be short on time. Otherwise, I guess you could banish everyone who doesn't do as you'd wished, but you're only shooting yourself in the foot, pal.

As for me, I'm planning to take a nice, long break from writers groups. Sometimes it just takes one guy with a chip on his shoulder and a harsh, accusatory attitude to suck all the enjoyment out of it. And after that, it's better, for sanity's sake, if writing is a solo affair.

On a happier note, I've been getting involved with Burlington City Arts these days - I guest blogged for a recent event last month, and I'll be helping set something up on the waterfront this weekend. Should be good times.

Speaking of blogs, when you start a blog entry and never finish it, do you leave it there under "private" or "protected," or do you get rid of it altogether?

The sounds of Starbucks

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:11:41 GMT

Whirr whirr! Ssss! Ssss! Crunch crunch! Blah blah!

- the sounds of Starbucks.

No wonder I can't concentrate. The coffee sure is addictive, though.

Naked Transit

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 19:29:01 GMT

Rather than ride your bikes all over town naked to protest car culture, why not call or write your legislators to request beefed up transit funding? Trust me, I hate car culture, and the "you're screwed without a car" mentality as much as the next NYC transplant, but... how will riding your Schwinn around town with lil' Johnny or the twins flappin' around fight it?

The CCTA has a service improvement proposal in the works, waiting for a hot cash infusion. They are getting $2 million in stimulus funding, but thanks to Uncle Sam, they can buy 12 new buses, but NOT pay people to drive them or put them on the roads, with any part of the $2 mil. Something wrong with that picture?

When public comment time comes around, make your voices heard and make sure your councilmembers get the message. In the meantime, keep your knickers on, mmkay?

Options (or, From the Pan to the Fire)

Tue, 26 May 2009 04:52:33 GMT

I know that the application deadline has passed for the first NYC Civic Corps class, but do you know when/if a second class will begin; and when you will begin accepting applications? I recently left New York City in search of greener grass, but just can't stay away. I'd love to return and help the city when it needs me most. I can return any time in August or this fall.

Thanks, Jeff *lastnameredacted*

Full Disclosure: Burlington’s a great place to be, and you’ll seldom hear a bad word about this town from me. Moving up here, IMO, was one of the best decisions I've made. It's friendlier, simpler and slower than the City that Never Sleeps. But it's not for me.
When I returned to NYC last weekend, it was like having my eyes re-opened. If you miss the subway, you’re gonna be mad, but there’ll be another one five minutes later. There are literally thousands of Meetup groups out there, waiting for you to join. Churches have dozens, if not hundreds, of small groups divvied up by neighborhood, sometimes by interest or age. If it’s 3 in the morning and you want a Big Gulp and a slice of pizza, there’s no good reason you can’t put some shoes on and go get it. I don’t care what kind of event you go to, whether it’s for Crackheads Anonymous, Singles with Poodles or Affluent, Poker Playing Tax Collectors, if it’s in Manhattan, you will not find the words “Ample Free Parking Available,” and you will not be expected to drive there.

The economy sucks. Sure does. The economy sucks more than a vacuum cleaner with the engine of a Mustang. Thing is, you can take the guy out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the guy. And Lord knows, I tried for six years of college and immediate post-college living. And three months (and counting) here in the Green Mountain State. The economy sucks everywhere. By the way, the Burlington Free Press sez that Vermont's probably not going to recover from this economic storm for another 2-3 years.

Screw the economy. I need a city where the "things to do" schedule is 8-10 pages long, in 8-point font. On a Monday night. Where if one church, or one small group, doesn't work out, I can easily find another one without having to wonder how I can finagle a ride. Where, recession or not, the opportunities aren't limited to a handful of industries. Where you don't have to settle for a minimum-wage job because the field you majored in is either underrepresented or not a part of the state's local economy at all. Where you get as much of a rush from being in the city as you would from sticking a fork in the wall socket. Where the sky's literally the limit.

I must be crazy. I've got a good thing here in Burlington - I'm living with one of my best friends from college, the baristas here greet me with a smile and already know what I'm going to order, and to a degree, it is somewhat easier to get involved in things and to have your voice heard. Not to mention that I have a room of my own, with posters on the walls and storage space - quite the upgrade from Mom's couch. I really like it up here, but now that I really realized what I gave up, and what I left behind, how can I not want to go back? I feel a little like Adam and Eve must have once they bit into the forbidden apple from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (don't know the story? find a Bible). All was hunky-dory before I headed home for Memorial Day weekend, but now that my eyes have been opened, how can I close them again? Plus, I feel really bad for getting my friend's hopes up about having me here in town, only to split - or to want to split - after a few months.

It won't be perfect. You're probably going to read (or bypass) entries of mine, grousing about temp agencies, high unemployment, and self-centered jerks on the subway - I guarantee that if I make it back to New York, you will - but no place is. Every place has its good aspects and bad aspects; you have to find a place that matches your pace and temprament and be willing to put up with the bad along with the good. Even if you have to remind yourself 50 times a day why you chose to live where you do (especially if you're giving up a smaller, cleaner and friendlier place), that's what you have to do. Otherwise, you'll lose sight of whatever your goal is, and become angry, disillusioned and bitter.

It won't be a waste. I'd like to think that I've grown as a person, and changed for the better, for having lived here in Vermont, even these three months. I've gotten to know my BFF, her husband and family better. I've become more relaxed and less angry. I've probably been nudged closer to God, which is no easy feat in a state of rocky spiritial soil (don't know the reference? find a Bible). I've made a few friends/friendquaintances, and I've learned how to deal with people in a way that doesn't lead to anger and seeing red. Maybe I had to temporarily leave The City to realize what a good thing I really had down there.

I'm here all week. And all summer -I'm taking some computer classes so that I'll have more skills under my belt, and look thatmuch better to potential employers. Plus, I have much more quality time to get in. And the absolute last thing I'd want to do is to burn any bridges on my way out of town. However, there's a huge family reunion in the Bronx over Labor Day weekend. Maybe I can get there with a MetroCard rather than an Amtrak ticket.

Speaking of MetroCards...

PS: Let’s keep this between you and me, eh?
In other words, tell anyone about this and I’ll carve the internet out of your computer with a sharpened MetroCard.

PPS: I heard back from the NYC Corps people the following morning. It's a pilot program, so they only have
funding for this first year so far. Cheapskates. I'm applying with Americorps, and if that doesn't pan out, I'll probably start reaching out to temp agencies and firing up LinkedIn.